Ok it's been a while... yes girlwonder, at long last here is an entry *g*

 firstly on the not so serious

aussie idol 2

ok ok... I admit it... I unfortunatley watched some australian idol 2 (The publicity hype series)... was just wondering what has happened to male singers these days....
It seems male singers these days are afraid to sing... they don't use their deep voices... no they use the crappy high pitched screaming voices that make me wonder if guys have any balls at all these days... It seems they all want to sing in this whingy whiny high voice that makes them sound shithouse... it really annoys me... if you have a voice... USE THE FUCKING THING...
I can't sing.. have a heap of trouble with pitch and holding notes... that's ok... I'm not into singing myself... but if I could sing, by fuck I would use my voice to the fullest of it's effect... ps... I do like listening to singing though :-)

now to the other

I quit my job last week....  after many years of being a Lab technition I have finally cracked it and realised that if I do this line of work for too much longer someone is going to get very hurt *g*.
I have still got 3 weeks to go, then I will be going back to work for the temp company I worked for when we first moved down here to melbourne... will be doing a variety of jobs.. I don't care what really what I will be doing, as long as it does not involve too much lab tech style work.

I finally came to the decision when I was on my 2 weeks holidays and had time to sit down and think about things, and I thought where I would like to be in afew years time... and working where i am at the moment isn't it. So after much talking about it in depth with my beloved, I have finally decided to bite the bullet and go after being an ambulance officer... applictions start again in november so i have a few months left to get together all the information i need to give myself the best chance of getting acepted. I know it is hard work and I know it is very hard to get into, but I will get into it and I will acheive this goal :-)

That's it for tonight... I will do a further update tomorrow and give a run down on our last try at IUI ....

so bye for now all :-)


 

It's been almost a week since my last confession....

hang on ... I mean last blogged.. *g*

You know, it's hard breaking away from the shackles of a fairly strict catholic upbringing, I remember the day clearly when I first had my standoff with my parents when I came out and said I didn't want to go to church anymore and the catholic faith wasn't for me.... well the shit certainly hit the fan, I can tell you. Funny thing was, I was 18... I had gone to church nearly every weekend since I could remember, I was pretty up their with the teaching of catholisism... I just came to the realisation that it wasn't for me.... For my parents it was good for them, it helped them through a lot of crap in their lives... They still go to church, and are good people. I don't begrudge my parents for their choice, I think religion is a good thing for many people in the world, what I do hold a grudge against is people who judge me for my choice in life, intolerance really shits me. To me if you are a cathollic, good on you, a muslim, good on you, a Jew, good on you, a pagan, good on you, and to all the other religions out their, good on you for your choice.

From my understanding of most religions in this world is that the one underlying message is love, respect and peace, tolerance for your fellow human being, they may be different but they are still human, and worhy of respect. The people who annoy me are the extremeists of all these religions who twist and turn the words and teaching of their respective deities into a message of hate.... lets kill in the name of (insert deity here), lets, have a holy war against these other people who beleive in a different god, but who has a similar message to our god.
whoa, hang on... better back up here a bit, I think I will leave the above paragraph for another day, for now I will get back to the main point of my post, me and the church.

Why did I leave.... very hard question, you know i could pin it on the easy things, the really bad things about the church. Like the fact that one of our preists (who was a good man, or at least to us), just disapeared one day, we were told that he had to go off on stress leave, he had had a breakdown. We found out the truth about a year later... he'd been outed as one of those sick preists who liked to fuck little boys bums... the church just upped and shipped him away... to another parish where he is still a preist to this day. (Mind you there are a lot of pissed off people in our area who would like to meet up with him). As far as I know he didn't do anything to any of the boys I went to primary school or church with, but their is one kid that I suspect that something did happen, but that's just a feeling.
The reason I left is much deeper and harder to answer, it goes right down to the core of my being. It is the church itself that I have a problem with, not the religion, or the underlying message of catholisism. I probably cannot answer it even here in this blog, all I can do is give you an idea and a few examples.

Firstly I am going to talk about guilt... all my life I was brought up with this concept of guilt, resonating from the teaching when we went to church. If you don't live your life this way something bad will happen, it was all about fear and consequence of our actions. (which in a way is a good thing, we do need to think about our actions and their effects on others). It is the way it is presented to us that is the problem.... even years after, when I did something wrong (sinned for a better word) I still would get worked up about it.... especially when it came to all matters sexual... (yeah they fucked us all up there big time).
Another is the inequity, the wealth of the catholic church in rome, they tell us they are here to teach and to help the poor etc. yet they own such vast amounts of wealth in this world (and secrets), that to me it comes accross as hypocritical (you know they aren't doing too well in the if you have 2 shirts give one to the man who doesn't have any are they).. it doesn't give a good view to the outside world does it.
Another is again the intolerance of todays modern church (not only catholic, but all christian religions and others), granted many of them are getting better. But for a religion that is based on the teachings of a god whose son was the most tolerent of people in the world, what went wrong.... according to the stories, J.C. hung around with the lowest of the low people, he welcomed them into his fold, he didn't hate them because they were different, he accepted them because they were different.
My last point for tonight is of the male preists not being able to marry or be in a relationship, yet these men are allowed to give us advice on our marrages and relationships... how can they... they have no experience in these matters and to me this is wrong... you cannot give advice on such life changing conditions if you do not know what you are talking about...

So I left the church, I am comfortable with that, I do not hate the church... but I do hate some aspects of it (too much to be part of that organisation anymore). We humans have ruined what was at some stage a great message of peace and tolerance in the world, and twisted it to our own ends and that is wrong...

Many people out there wouldn't like what I have written, but this is my choice, and isn't life about choices... doing the right thing.... thinking about our actions, and their effects on others.
helping people out as much as you can. being the best person you can be, striving to better yourself, respecting other people for their choices.

This is the was I choose to live my life... yes at times it is hard... but that's half the fun...
by the way... I'm a pagan

Date: 15 may 2004

Week Day: Saturday

Time: 6:55am

Status: Awake (just)

Location: Work

Coffee's: None (soon to be rectified)

Here I am, just before 7:00 saturday morning, here at work... not tucked up at home in my nice warm bed enjoying the best sleep in day of the week.... NO!, I'm here at work coz we are so far behind production it isn't funny. We were aware of working this weekend, it was supposed to be for half a day for me, but 2:00pm yesterday arvo, they had changed their minds and I'm now here for a full day... So pretty much no saturday for me :-(, which sucks coz it's our favorite day of the week....

arrgh... stuff writing for a bit... I need a coffee

woohoo...

at last we are in our own place.... truly exciting stuff... has been good, not having to step on eggshells (either real or percieved), good being able to crank up the volume and listen to what we want when we want *g*

Has been really good to be able to dettle down with each other and just relax....

So, what's been happening over the past few days you might ask... heaps actually...

Firstly (and obviously) we have moved.... we are living back in sunbury, and for all my bagging of the place, it is actually an ok place to live... close to the airport, and close to melbourne.... It only takes about 10 minutes longer to get to work, so no probs there.... Another good thing is that if tara gets lonely when I'm on afternoon shift, she has the option of visiting her family who live just around the corner....
I'm not so worried anymore to leave her alone.... especially at night time... and she feels safe in sunbury...

Second, we saw the IVF speciallist yesterday... went well I think... he shattered our illusion of doing a natural IVF cycle, but when he explained why to us it did make sense (we neded the dose of facts I guess). So our option is full on IVF, he says we have a pretty good chance of it working each time, so that is good news..... Costwise it is pretty steep, but we can save up for it... and we are going to look into the new medicare rebate and changes to IVF, and it may be less expensive... so in that case we may be able to do it in a couple of months...
While we are saving however, we are going to a few goes at AIH again... this time however using a low dose of FSH instead of clomid (clomid is now bad). This has a two fold effect, it gives us more of a chance then we have now of conceiving, and secondly (and importantly) it gives us a sense of hope and moving forward, and after 3 years of trying to conceive you need every bit of hope that you can lay your hands upon.

Thirdly.... work.... not fun at the moment.... we are working back to midnight every night this week, then we have to come back in to work saturday... the reason.. well we are changing over our can line to a different size can in about 3 weeks time.... and just now have they decided that we need to run out old stocks of cans before the big changeover day.... I don't understand why we didn't start doing this months ago, instead of this big panic now, and everyone being all stressed out about it all. They drive me crazy with their organisational skills sometimes..

fourthly.... we pick up our new little puddy tat in about 2 weeks, we are looking very forward to it, as the kittens are so cute, our friend keeps sending us picks each week as they are getting older and ready to go to new homes :-)

and that's about it....

sparksy out :-)

After 6 of so months of living in a share house with my cousin, we are finally moving. It's about time too, think we stayed a bit too long...

for a while now things have been starting to get a bit strained.... we need our space again, some freedom to move....

For the past 6 months most of our shit has been in storage, our "house" has consisted of one room with our stuff in it... TV, Bed, Puter and clothes... all our life/activities have been squashed into one room..... it's been driving us crazy..... took a lot longer to drive me crazy then it did for my wife.... but she was stuck in it a hell of a lot more then I have been.

I am grateful for my cousin in putting us up and giving us a roof over our heads, but it's time to go.
So next friday we get the keys and we move in :-)...*note: housewarming party coming up*
We are going back to sunbury... we have had enough of city living for a while, and the suburbs close to where I work are pretty shitty....not really nice places to live at all.

things I am looking forward to:

* Playing our music as loud as we want when we want

* Cooking in our own kitchen

* Feeling comfortable and relaxed in "our" home

* Nudie runs from the shower to the bedroom *g*

* Having a bath

* Me and my wife having time to ourselves

* Getting on the net whenever the hell we want *g*

* Being me

Lots more as well, but can't think of any more right now...

Oh and in other news.... under 2 months till our holiday to queensland *g* *WOOHOO*

Look out mel... here we come *g*

Well the title says it all... has been a while since I could be bothered to sit down here and type anything at all...

Just far to depressing to talk about my life over the past few weeks....so in retrospect here it is... bad shit happened... lots :-)

You Know... we have been trying for as baby for over three years now, lost a daughter, my wife has been on the roller coaster ride of drugs and emotions.... we hit rock bottom.....
then we had a glimmer of hope... her period was late... we were scared to think positive, but eventually it overwhelmed us... hope... a feeling we havent felt since Branwenn left us...
Then bang... it showed up...... SOME PRICK UP THERE IS LAUGHING AT US I AM SURE...

So here we are back to being depressed, sad, without all hope.... and to top it off we have no money, don't get paid until the 15th... that's 10 days away... not sure how we are going to survive... but I'm sure we will... otherwise the PRICKS UP THERE would have to find someone else to torment.. and that wouldn't be fun at all would it!!!!!!



So onto the next bit of news at hand, we are feeling stifled, trapped.... we need to be in a house of our own... we have narrowed it down and it is a major cause of some of our problems that we are currently going through... so after this month, all resources are going in to pay off a previous debt, then we save up and we can be in our own house as soon as possible.... we need the space, we need to be able to park the car off the street so on the weekends I can start pulling it down and restoring it. Can't do that at the moment. Our own house that we can have the music up loud without annoying our housemates (not that our current housemates seem to mind, but we still feel a bit bad for it).
So in the not to distant future I will be sitting down with my cousin and explain to her that we are going to be moving sooner then expected, we have nothing against her... infact for most part it has been great living there, but at some stage you need to spread you wings and go your own way...



WOW... seems I have typed a bit more then I thought would be possible...



continuing on... tonight at work they have decided to work back to 11:30.. - great just fucking great - 3 more hours from now.... and I'm very bored... only have hourly checks to do now...
So I'm just blogging along :-)

anyways.. it is said time for a sample so I'll be off

chaars

hehehehehehe

Yep today's my 30th B'day... the big 3 zero *lol*..


Has been a pretty good day... I opened my presents at about 1:00am this morning *lol* (well it was the 14th *g*)... I got a pair of runners, a few various DVD's and a really really cool watch, it rocks :-)

Well much to everyones disgust, I didn't need a cane to help me walk thismorning, now that I am "old". They been hanging it on me for months, now it's here, and the days almost gone *lol*...

We went and had a look at a heap of display homes today, was pretty good fun..... we looked at metricon homes and realised that we loved all of their current designs, another fact crept up on us today as we were looking around today as well, something that hasn't bothered us before, did today.

For the first time ever when looking at homes we realised that we wanted a home to call our own.... we have roamed around from place to place long enough.... now it's time to settle down and set some goals, and save up money, then in a couple of years buy a house :-)

It feels good... having direction really helps.. we are not going to stop heading towards our other goals.... just add them all together and work at them bit by bit till it all falls into place..... am feeling excited about it to tell the truth ...

well in closing, I just wanted to tell the world that I really really love and adore my wife, and I wanted to say for all the shit that has gone down in the last 3 years, I love you just as much and even more then I did on our wedding day 3 years ogo on the 10th of march... lover you babe... happy wedding anniversary.

Yes that's pretty much how i feel today... have pretty much nothing better to do then sit here and type in my blog.... you see we can't go anywhere today as we have no cash... It sucks bigtime... it's a public holiday, moomba is on (would be cool tyo check it out), but weare flat broke...

We shouldn't be... we should at least have a little bit of cash, but my friend who owes us a bit of money didn't come through for us and has left us in a spot of bother *smirks*. Yes I hear you say... you shouldn't rely on last minute money that is owed to you.... but that is not the point here....

I am talking about ringing him up the other day and asking when he would be able to put the last bit of money into the bank for us... he said it was cool and that the money would be put in by friday... I say cool, thank a lot buddy. It gets to friday afternoon.... we are pretty deperate by this stage. So I ring him up again.... he says yep I'll see whats going on and get it in for you and ringyou back.
Well guess what... no money and no phone call, feeling pretty betrayed at this stage.... I don't hate him, just am very pissed as if he didn't have the cash, he could have just said and I would have been ok with that. Just feeling a bit betrayed that he has done this to us.

It has been 5 months since we sold our dining table and chairs to him, and I've been pretty patient, you know, I'll do a lot of things for mates... I'm understanding and all that. But I can only go so far.....

So onto the swecond part of the story.... we baby sat our neice and nephews on saturday... we have been doing this to help tara's sister and brother inlaw who both work every second saturday. when we started we were dong it from 8 in the morning till about 3 in the arvo... not to bad.... they have been giving us 50 bucks for it... you know every bit of cash helps :-). But for the last 2 weeks they have been working back till about 6 in the arvo, and still only giving us 50 bucks... starting to piss us off as we feel like we are being taken for a ride here..... what was even worse was that tara rang her sister up and asked for her to grab a pack of smokes.... which she did... then when she paid us when we left, she paid us the difference of the 50 bucks minus the smokes...... how fucking tight is that... we babysit for 10 hours for 50 bucks, clean their house, and she wont even shout a pack of smokes..... once again betrayal....
Anyone else babysitting wouldn't be treated like this, but as qw are "family", it sems we can be taken fro granted and treated like shit.... It's pissing us off.... but we enjoy for most part looking after the kids. It's the parents we have a problem with....

anyway... rant over for now..

ps... happy that I've blogged now mel :-)

yep folks.... our home puter decided to throw in the towel... she went kaboom.... I think it was the power supply.

major pain in the butt as you can imagine :-(

Don't know how long it will be out of action.. guess it depends on what's wrong with it...

So tara and I may not be on the net too much over the next couple of days.

I don't get that much of a chance to be online at work during the day...

so mel... tara says hi, and will hopefully be chatting to you soon :-)

yes when will all this cross promotional crapola end... you know the latest batch of "stars" from the latest "reality" special you know... "big pop world idol renovation survivour star rescue" when will they get the hell out of our faces

You know they have their 15 mins of fame etc etc.... then the next thing you know they are popping up everyfuckingwhere.

Then they cross genres.... from BB to neighbours for example.... then of course from neighbours it's on to a recording contract... Personally I'm looking forward to blairs new release album "look at me I got here without cancer" ... with the hit single...."what about me, it isn't fair, I didn't have cancer but I was on BB" *g*

when will it all end.. never by the looks of it...

and now we have an idol star doing a movie ... just great

yes.. robert "millsy" mills is to star in a new "aussie" movie...a few more things that make it scarier..

1) Quote from millsy "the script was piss funny I loved it"

2) The title is called "G'day L.A."

3) The producer has called it "Crocodile dundee meets dumber and dumber"

4) Millsy is playing a champion camel rider who sells camel sperm to a big time horse racer in the states.

scared yet


Well I am.... not only did we have to put up with his singing, now his acting *ARGHHH*
I'm sorry, but to me millsy is about as funny as a paris hilton sex video. (talking of another "e" grade star)

You know I don't blame these people for having a go at fame and all..... It's just that I'm sick and tired of watching reality tv. From queer eye to extreme makeover... it's all we have on tv....

Hang on I've got an idea for a new reality show...

we grab a camera, go into someones house then challenge them to watch TV all week without watching one reality show... grand prize will be a life *g*

anyway... will finish on this topic in another chapter.... gotta go figure out some more witty quotes *lol*